i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
