Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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