just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
