Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
