She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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