Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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