I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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