Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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