OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
