wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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