Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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