if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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