You can't special order awesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
