i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
