No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
