I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
