The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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