My first STD was from a foam party
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
