Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
