im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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