JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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