Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So vagazzling was a success
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
