All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
