even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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