I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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