covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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