How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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