I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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