she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
