dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
