I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
