foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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