Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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