i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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