It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
