Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
