remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
