You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
