My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
