I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
