He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
