I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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