I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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