yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
