how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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