I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
