Do you still have your period?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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