The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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