you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
