If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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